You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
