New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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