farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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