you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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