I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
