If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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