I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
