it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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