I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i think im in europe. pls send help
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
