So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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