one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
