no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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