she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize