why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
