she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
