honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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