I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
