genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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