My hand turned me down
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You ate ashes out of my bong
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
