only if we run a train.
done.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
