I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
