STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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