so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
