i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
