he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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