is your mom at the bar?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
