After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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