So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
