I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
