If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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