i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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