I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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