woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
