i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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