he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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