I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
