I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
