Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
