I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
