So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
