why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
