singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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