perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
