Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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