This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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