Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize