11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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