I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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