I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize