my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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