I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
