Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pooping to opera.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
