If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
