The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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