I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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