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I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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