I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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