my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
