Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
