i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
