Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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