your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
