I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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