You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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