Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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