He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize