i permit you to call me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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