god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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