Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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