Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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