There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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