the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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