Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
