she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
