I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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