Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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