My sheets look like a crime scene.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
