Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize