he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
