Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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