i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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