you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
