Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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