my mouth tastes like poor choices
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so let's talk penis.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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