The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
