Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
