She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
