so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
