I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
