you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
