I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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