No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
