I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
