Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
