Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
