He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
