i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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