she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
