last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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