My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
