idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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