so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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