We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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