and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
