guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
