the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
