It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
