Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
