New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
