My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
